Like many parents of a child with autism, we were distressed to hear of the poor treatment a little boy and his mother received in a Michigan salon. This CNN article is our response to the incident, and will hopefully provide some tips for members of the public on how to better respond when they see a child becoming upset.
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Writer Bridget Mora's 5-year-old son, Holden, is one of an estimated 1-in-88 children in the United States who has autism. |
Opinion: Let's talk about autism in public spaces
updated 3:07 PM EDT, Thu May 30, 2013
Editor's note: Bridget
Mora is the mother of a 5 ½-year-old son with an autism spectrum
disorder. A resident of Chapel Hill, North Carolina, she is a member of
the board of the Autism Society of North Carolina Orange Chatham
Chapter. She also blogs about autism.
(CNN) -- Ashley Bays took her toddler into M Spa Salon in Portage, Michigan, for a simple haircut but left with a "severe tongue lashing," according to a witness whose Facebook post about the event went viral.
Customer Vanessa Hunt wrote about her outrage
at watching salon owner Michelle Mott allegedly dress down Bays and 2
½-year-old Grayson because the child cried during his haircut.
"At the conclusion of
this woman's tantrum to the mother the mother said through tears, 'I'm
so sorry, he's autistic,'" Hunt wrote in a post that has been shared
more than 35,000 times. Attorneys for the salon said in a statement to
mlive.com that Mott reacted reasonably to safety concerns caused by the boy's behavior.
Many toddlers cry during a
visit to the hair salon, but the experience can be particularly
challenging for individuals with the sensory sensitivities that are
common in autism. I know, because my son is one of them.
Haircuts require a
patient stylist, a special list of instructions, books to read and a
fresh shirt to change into immediately afterward. If it weren't for the
promise of a lollipop at the end of the haircut, he might not go into
the salon at all.
The noise and feel of the
clippers can be painful, the smells of dyes and permanents
overpowering, the water sprayed on their hair upsetting and the sound of
hair dryers panic-inducing. However, Bays, a longtime client of the
salon, had found one hairstylist she trusted to cut her son's hair -- no
small thing, as parents of children with autism can attest.
The incident at M Spa
Salon has brought a much larger issue to the public eye than merely the
allegedly nasty behavior of one business owner: Parents of children on
the autism spectrum struggle with public judgment on a daily basis.
Sometimes kids with
autism exhibit behaviors that draw attention to themselves, ranging from
self-soothing repetitive motions to a full-blown meltdown in an
overwhelming situation. The reaction of the bystanders can go a long way
toward defusing panic or exacerbating it, which is what happened when
Mott reportedly yelled at Ashley and Grayson Bays until they both left
the salon in tears.
"I've never experienced
anything else like this before. I understand if she doesn't want
children in the salon, but she could have handled it a lot differently.
She could have pulled us to the side. She was very insensitive that he
does have special needs," Bays later said.
Just as a negative
reaction can make matters worse, thoughtful words and actions can help.
The hairstylist who joined the family outside to complete the child's
haircut stands out as an unsung hero in the unfortunate M Spa Salon
drama.
Another recent example was the kindness of a waitress at a Chili's Bar and Grill in Utah who replaced the "broken" hamburger of an autistic girl without batting an eyelash. Small kindnesses can go a long way.
So what should a person
do if they witness a child with autism (or frankly any child) in
distress? According to Amanda Benson, LCSW, an autism specialist at The University of North Carolina TEACCH Autism Program, the most useful thing that bystanders can do is ask the parents: "Is there something I can do to make this easier for you?"
"The parents will know
what will best help their child," Benson said, such as dimming the
lights, moving to a quieter space or offering a preferred toy as a
distraction. In the specific case of a haircut, the child might be more
comfortable with scissors only or conversely only with clippers. Because
autism encompasses such a broad spectrum, there is no single solution
that will work well for all individuals.
Bystanders should
refrain from judgment. Effective parenting techniques are different for
children with autism than for typically developing kids. Because
attention is often a strong behavioral reinforcement for individuals on
the spectrum, parents may strategically ignore inappropriate behaviors,
while providing positive reinforcement for appropriate behavior.
Bystanders can help by
offering an empathetic smile for the parent or a word of praise for a
child who is trying his best. Some parents of autistic children carry small cards to hand out explaining autism to strangers who stop and stare, or sneer.
Without acceptance of
the whole spectrum of human development, people with disabilities are
inevitably excluded from society. Given that the Centers for Disease
Control and Prevention estimates the autism prevalence in the United States to be 1 in 88 (and more recent studies suggest that figure may be as high as 1 in 50),
business owners are going to have to become better educated about how
to serve individuals with special needs. Not only are they their
customers, as in the case of the young Grayson, but people with autism
are entitled to the same access to public spaces afforded all other
Americans.
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